Errant has a few meanings. People skip over most of them on their way to knight-errant, our Western term for wandering, chivalric vagabonds on the looking for dragons to slay and kidnapped nobles to rescue. It’s a shame that comes to mind so quickly, leaving errant to just be wandering or roving about. Errant also speaks to erring, making mistakes. It’s a term for rulebreakers and ne’er do wells. Painting outside the lines. And, choosing not to have honor bound to one lord, one location, but being noble to all met.
Or, depending on your view of knights, and honor, using a title and the cover of honor to be a dick to all met. Errant knights aren’t required to be good, just titled and wandering.
I’m error prone. I make more mistakes than I’d like. I like to question the purpose, meaning and right to exist of rules and regulations. Previously I’d spent too much of my life conforming to the ideas of others, suborned to others. I had never aimed, personally, to misbehave. I did aim to be myself, and failed. And failed again. What I learned is that I’m very good at refining myself through making mistakes.
Why This Blog?
So. This is a blog primarily about my writing journey. For years, friends and family would speak of a supposed great writing ability, which existed in hasty but well-received school papers and short stories. But they were for friends and family (and the occasional teacher). A dream of being a writer existed in my head, was met by the accolades of people I knew, and therefore didn’t have to go anywhere. Right? I could be a writer, any time I wanted to.
Turns out, writing is difficult when there’s no reason behind it. By deluding my brain into believing “I’m a writer, people say so”, it was impossible to actually write, and thus say “I’m a writer, I say so”.
This past year, I spent months reading and applying various self-help books, meditations, diets, exercises work plans. I researched sleep habits and vitamins and a slew of tips to break habits and create new ones. I studied how to break cycles of negative thinking and how to be myself, get comfortable with myself.
And most importantly, this month (October 2018, for those from the future) I said “Enough of this” and just started writing.
I am back, wandering the road of writing.
I am a writer.